Instead of giving unsolicited advice, give way to your colleagues.
You will be suriprised how often they find a great solution.
“I know I shouldn’t always jump in when there is a problem and tell my colleagues what to do. It would be better to encourage them to find the answer themselves.”
“I should be more of a coaching leader.”
I often hear comments lie these from busy managers. They would like to adopt a less directive style and coach more. But somehow, when the moment arrives, they revert to advice-giving, problem-solving mode.
A typical situation
John goes into his manager’s office, looking distraught.
John: “Hi Sue, have you got a minute?”
Sue the manager: “Sure. What’s up?”
John: “Our new client has just called. It turns out that they still haven’t received the delivery that was due on Monday. It is very embarrassing because this is the second time they’ve complained. I’ve already called Barry to find out what’s going on, but he’s in a meeting at the moment. It’s a monumental cockup! The client was practically yelling at me over the phone.”
Sue: “Right. Let’s do this…”
Slipping into advice-giving mode
What has just happened between John and Sue?
He came in, clearly very stressed, and shared his problem with his manager.
And what did the manager do?
She started trying to solve the issue straightaway. This is clearly an urgent case. And a sense of urgency usually increases the temptation to start solving the problem before it quickly escalates. There is no time for coaching here. Let’s quickly find a solution and save the day.
I agree that in such situations speed is of the essence. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that the manager has to come up with the solution.
Why should she assume that John hasn’t already got a solution in mind?
The magic question
Next time you find yourself in such a situation, just listen, take some deep breaths if necessary to keep calm (as stress is the greatest enemy of coaching leadership), and simply ask:
HOW CAN I HELP?
Why is this a magic question?
- Supporting without taking over the responsibility
By asking this question, you don’t automatically take over the responsibility of solving the problem. Instead, you communicate that the issue remains his problem, but you are happy to give your support.
- Helping to clarify needs
It is quite possible that your colleague hasn’t actually worked out what he wants from you. By asking him the magic question, you help your colleague clarify in his own mind what kind of help he actually needs. Psychologically, there is a huge difference between asking for support in a specific area and getting help or advice without requesting it.
- Managing stress, showing trust
If instead of frantically trying to find the solution to such a pressing issue, you remain calm and ask simply how you can help, you send a powerful message of composure and trust. Your colleague will see that you are not panicking, and this will in turn reduce his level of stress. In a calmer state of mind, he is more likely to find a good way out of the mess.
- Quite often there is no need for your advice
You will be surprised how often the answer to the “How can I help?” question will be something like: “Actually, I think I know what to do next. I’ll talk to Barry right after his meeting, and in the meantime I’ll call the client and offer them a special discount for their troubles. I just wanted you to know what’s going on.”
Coaching leadership doesn’t always come in the form of long discussions. Sometimes it can be demonstrated by simply showing your support for your subordinate and your trust in his ability to find the solution to the problem himself.
